Know Ya Flow
Women in flow, share what they know. Hear women's stories of how they've grown, what they know, and how they are living in flow.
Know Ya Flow
How to Go From Doing to Being and The Healing Power of Reiki
Rochelle and I have a deep conversation about how her hardships in her life that she has faced has lead to self-discovery and peace. With years of self study and inner work, we talk about how Rochelle has found harmony and joy in her life. Rochelle and I talk about a lot about receiving reiki and how to maintain balance energetically. Of course we also touch on authenticity, using our gifts and personal transformation in our lives.
Welcome to Know your Flow podcast, where women in flow share what they know. I'm your host, lauren Barton. Join me as we talk to women and hear their stories on what they know, how they've grown and living in flow. All right, hi, we're back with Rochelle. Hi, rochelle, hello, thanks for joining again, of course. So, yeah, what have you been up to lately? What has been going on since we last talked, which was like last January?
Speaker 2:Holy smokes. So there's been birth, death, a business, a promotion at work, a new office space at work. I've leveled up on the enlightenment scale. Uh-oh, that's fun, let's go. That's a big one, Trying to think of what else. But I feel like and, by the way, don't play a drinking game to every time. I say I feel like, because you will be not able to drive by the end of it. Let's play a game. How many times Rochelle says I feel like I know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is funny, I think.
Speaker 2:I say I think instead of I feel like I mean I just think that I think that, yeah, and for me it's funny because I try to explain to people that I can see feelings, so it's hard for me to verbalize what I'm feeling, so I've had to grow in that arena this past year.
Speaker 1:That's interesting, cause do you think for most people it's the opposite? I guess not. I guess it just depends.
Speaker 2:I mean, I consider myself weird anyways. So I'm like I don't think this is normal, I see feelings Like.
Speaker 1:what do they look like? Like your own feelings or other people's feelings, or both both?
Speaker 2:yeah, both yeah, and it's funny going on this, uh, the healing journey and being attuned in reiki. I now can make the connection that when I meet people like that's why I'm like, oh yeah, danger before you were attuned.
Speaker 1:What? What did it feel like? Like just fear.
Speaker 2:And I don't know why.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean and then you go down that road of well, I just want them to like me, because we're all tend to be that way. Instead, now it feels like so, now it feels like so. Sometimes I'll come across people and I can tell that they're not in line with what they're showing. What they're showing is not in line with their authentic self, especially if, like, their authentic self is covered by trauma or pain or hurt, and so they're showing aversion to get you to love them, because they're trying to validate their worth through you loving them versus digging down into the pain that needs to be healed so they can be their authentic Right. Exactly. It's so strange to see, and I always like say that I can see somebody's authentic self and then I see what they're covering it with. So I'm still trying to navigate that arena of like, like. It's not my job to heal them. They have to do that themselves. So I can sometimes discern individuals that want to help themselves and those that want to project themselves.
Speaker 1:So if they want to heal themselves, is it then? Do you discern? Is it your job to tell them that you can see the authentic stuff in them? No, no no.
Speaker 2:Unless they ask what if they ask, right, yes, yes, yeah, but it's in my daily life, like people don't know about my Reiki side or anything like that, so it's not like they're going to be, like I don't know that. You're pretty high on the path of enlightenment. I mean not to brag, just kidding, it's been a hard road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dang it.
Speaker 2:I should own it and love it and accept it and say I have put in some hard work and I am not healed. I'll never be healed but I hope along the way I can help other people heal when they come into my orbit.
Speaker 1:What does it feel like to be higher on the enlightenment scale? What is this? Do you know the scale or would you have to have like see it?
Speaker 2:I would have to see it. I was shocked at where I'm at this time after recently being ill, and we were discussing how that's like a contraction of your energy because you're about to experience change and go into another realm. So I was, my entire body was weak, and then my throat on the one side hurt so bad that it like had blisters in it, yeah, which I'd never had before, but it was most mostly exhaustion, and I'd experienced a lot of change since December. Well, gosh, since last year, since my Reiki business this past year, this whole past year, I've experienced so much change and like certain traumatic triggering things have come up for me to have to deal with it and I consciously knew like holy shit, I'm dealing with it. And for other people that know my trauma and the triggers that I have and for them to then help me through it was another like layer of healing, not just in mine but those that are close to me. So was amazing.
Speaker 2:And then the whole like deciding to stop doing Reiki professionally. But when I let go of that, like my career at Frederick County Public Schools blossomed and like things started coming to fruition that I never could have planned. So all of that happened, and then I got sick because I could feel a change coming, like change is coming, and then it was like wham. And then afterwards got sick because I could feel a change coming, like change is coming, and then it was like wham and then afterwards you felt cleared up well afterwards I was like April, help me.
Speaker 1:April is my Reiki practitioner and um and half of Winchester's, if you meet me like um. Have you seen April, though you have a, you have a problem?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love doing that too, like when people still reach out to me and ask if they can have an appointment with me. Like I don't do it professionally anymore, but you've got to see April. Yeah, and I ran into somebody the other day that was like you look so familiar, why do you look familiar? And she's like oh yeah, you told me about April because I contacted you about Reiki. Thank you so much. That was the best like reference ever. I was like good, yes, Welcome to the journey. Yes, welcome, friend.
Speaker 1:Exactly so funny Cause. Yeah, when did you start getting Reiki?
Speaker 2:So it's been three years ago now.
Speaker 1:Why did you start getting it? Do you remember like what made you and what drew you to it and like how that went down?
Speaker 2:I think I kind of touched on this in the last one. It wasn't, I wasn't seeking it, it found me. I decided to take the day off of work because hiking oh yeah, that's right, yeah. And then I randomly met somebody that also took off of work and she was a patient of April's. She was like have you ever heard of energy work? I was like you ever heard of energy work? I was like, oh my gosh, I would. I've actually feel like that's the next step. Now people have recommended like shamanism to me, seeing a shaman and I just don't feel ready for that stuff. I never want to chase something.
Speaker 1:How do you even find a shaman around here? Well, if I'm meant to, find it, it'll find me.
Speaker 2:That individual that referred me to April knows of one, but I believe if I ask April she would for sure say go in this direction, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah then what drew you to start doing, like to learn how to do Reiki, because it pretty much changed your whole world right. Like do you feel like like what do you feel like your experience was getting it for, and has been getting it for the past like three years? And like what do you feel like your experience was getting it for, and has been getting it for the past like three years? And like what do you feel like it helped you with? How do you feel like it helped you?
Speaker 2:So I kept saying to my therapist because I've been in therapy for like 20 years now I kept saying I feel like there's something on me. I feel like there is something on me that I can't get off To the point where I was like I'm going to have to go on mental health medication again. I wanted to end my life again Like it got. It was something I could not talk my way out of. It was something that nobody else could help me with or understand. And yeah, I just I kept saying I felt like there was something on me. So I was doing hiking at the time. I really felt that was helping as far as Because you were physically moving things through in theory.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yes.
Speaker 2:Well, at the time now looking back, I know I was doing it to escape my reality, so I would always make plans to go hiking so I didn't have to be at home because I didn't like being home at the time. There's a whole story behind that of what I oh I did that too. I like completely redid my house.
Speaker 1:Wow, last year, that's awesome. You're in, yeah, your environment. Yes, yeah, yes, but anyways, to make it match the new you.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I'm sure that feels so much better. Clear the space.
Speaker 2:So I and I love coming home now, love coming home now. But anyways, this was not an easy journey. So I don't want to go from like I hated being home to I love being home now and not see the pain, the fear, the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the OCD, everything that I had to work through mentally to get to that point, anyways. So hiking, met this individual, went to Reiki. My first appointment was so pivotal that, like no wonder, I felt something on me. I had so many attachments and so many like entities. I think most of all it was an attachment especially from Lucas, because he was special needs. He is special needs, but when he was younger it was your fight or flight. Every day, every day you're in fight or flight and it's like you're in survival mode, just constantly in that state. So to get that removed, and my first appointment, the light that came into my body, or I should say the light that I finally saw within myself.
Speaker 1:I had not felt that light since I was a kid because I've been through so much in my adult life because you probably, you were probably in fight or flight even like before Lucas, like for a like a good amount of time, you know, probably on and off on and off like you know would go back into dysregulation 100.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my entire adult, adult life I was in fight or flight. Yeah. So that appointment was like I want to say, two hours long because I couldn't, couldn't stop. I never cry because I just didn't have the energy to cry and it was uncontrollable, sobbing the entire time Like I've never felt like this. And when I told April I was like I knew I just kept telling my husband there's something on me, something on me. She was like you weren't wrong. And like now, looking back when I talk about my first appointment, she was like I knew from day one. I knew that you had something within you so powerful that needed to be exposed, needed to come out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it was like hindered by all this stuff. It's cool that you felt safe enough to be that vulnerable and open and be able to let it go at that appointment too.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing. Yes, that thought came to me and I forgot to expand on it, but I never did meditation. I hated meditation. I was fearful of meditation because I knew I had so much pain within me that I did not want to be in an unsafe place when it happened. I did not want to be alone when those things came up and I don't like people touching me. I don't want a massage, yeah.
Speaker 1:I know you don't want to never for all listeners.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the listeners. And don't want a scalp massage. Yes, never For all listeners. No, yeah.
Speaker 1:All the listeners and all the clients that I've had that are like. Who says no to that? I'm like well me, that's who. Rochelle does not like that.
Speaker 2:Well, and now I know too, because I can feel things differently. Yeah, Like not ready to feel your everything. Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I knew Reiki was it for me because I could be in that safe place and she could. I felt very safe in her bringing me back from that fear and learning from it it and she. For anyone that has seen April, there are certain things that she can do trauma wise to get rid of those emotions and work you past it, that you really have to think about that moment and come up with all of those emotions and where they are in your body and feel it while she's doing it, to be able to release it. There's only one, that the fear that it invokes in me. I still I'm like it's out of two. Let's leave it there, don't. Yeah, I'm not that can be hard, yeah, but I well I think it's to. That particular fear is something that's unhealed. That from my past.
Speaker 1:Like past life, or past like this life, like childhood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so I think there's a connection there that my soul is like nope not yet.
Speaker 1:So knowing that that's there and like sort of like has to is just sort of like under the surface. How is that okay? I guess not. How is that okay? But you know how we want to. Like look at our stuff and dig into it and look like how do you know when it's going to become like, do you think it eventually will become a problem or do you think it won't be like, how do you think does that make sense?
Speaker 2:I don't think it's gonna. I don't. I think it brings me an awareness. So when I see people and they invoke fear, fear, I really have to think about what is it about them that's causing fear within me? What do I need to tell? What do I need to dive into myself to work past that? Because I can't make somebody else change and I can't expect somebody else to change to make myself feel better.
Speaker 1:I can create boundaries, I can move through the emotion so now you see, we were talking earlier and you were like, yeah, now I see, I see April, um, when I need to sort of like move past like attachments, what does that look like? What do you mean by that? I?
Speaker 2:don't want to get all woo woo, like, oh, I want to get. Yeah, we're getting woo woo. I mean, come on, you're on a high path to enlightenment.
Speaker 1:Baby, let us in.
Speaker 2:So when you vibrate at like a low frequency depression, fear, resentment, anxiety or you vibrate at a super high energy where you are just light being, everything is great, grand, wonderful. There's energy in our world that can come sometimes attached to you. So I don't want people to think that like an entity is like I have a spiritual ghost on me, I have satan within me, like no, I'm talking about like energetic vibrations or whatever that can attach to you, because they're feeding off of your Can you give like an example?
Speaker 2:maybe so the last entity that I had that I couldn't get rid of one. I know it's there because I can't feel myself. I can't feel my light, I don't. I can't feel myself for lack of better words and the things that aren't that powerful. I can usually get rid of them myself because I've been taught to do that like.
Speaker 1:What is something that you're like like? Do you have an example of like um?
Speaker 2:like, like if I go out in public to an event, which now I make sure to protect myself when I go out to events where there's people that you know.
Speaker 1:I don't know everybody around us and their energy and who they are and what they're gonna say and who they're gonna be walking in Walmart is a landmine of energy you know you got to protect yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, you can come sometimes, come home feeling like depleted or worn out or like like uh, and then I'll go through the process of having my light go through me, cleaning out anything that might have gotten stuck yeah, something like that to where I can feel wholly myself again. Yeah, it's almost like saging a house kind of thing, like you're cleaning, you're cleaning the palette after that messy art experiment, but yes, but there's also times that I pick things up and I have no idea. It just happens, especially when you're walking along this well, I don't want to say especially when you're walking along the healing path, because I think there's a lot of people that are living in this world, that have attachments and they have no idea and they're just living miserable lives, thinking that they have to live these miserable lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Especially, and it's hard when it's like loved, when it's people that you love, that it's not your place to be like.
Speaker 2:Please let me do some Reiki on you.
Speaker 2:It's not my place, but anyways, I digress.
Speaker 2:So the last Entity Attachment that I had, I even went on like this 10-mile, three different peak hikes by myself in the freezing cold wind blasting me off of cliffs, tried to like connect to myself again and then I went and saw April and it was energy that was going all the way down into my solar plexus through my throat, but I also had one like hanging out in one of my layers and it was like I couldn't acknowledge that and get that to go away because I had that intense one that was going down like my whole system basically, and as soon as it's so funny because as soon as she lifts it and it was a long appointment because the one that was out in the energy field like threw her off because she was focusing on the one that was on me and as soon as she lifted that one, like the one in me like finally released and there was like a burst of light in my eyesight, like someone.
Speaker 2:It was like flashing like the dental light right in your eyes and then I immediately put my hand to my heart because I could feel myself again and like tears started falling from my eyes because I was like hello, friend, I've missed you. And I was like thank you, we're done.
Speaker 1:Here, and now everybody can label me crazy if they like so, like, how do you think that those attachments get on you and in you, or you know all that kind of stuff? Do you think that it just is a part of the human experience, or do you think that it's when you put yourself in situations that open yourself up to that sort of stuff that then messes with your energy?
Speaker 2:or was it the sickness or no, I wasn't sick at that time when that one happened. This just came out of nowhere and it just happens like yeah, you can't prevent it from happening, right um because we're not like living in caves, right, exactly no it just, yeah, it happens.
Speaker 2:And there's times when I'm doing Reiki on my husband and you can feel a certain energy come in and you're like not today, not today, yeah, we're not doing that. Yes, yeah. But then there's also super cool times when, like I think I've told you, when I was doing Reiki on Lucas, my son and I could clearly see like four super bright white angels behind him and it was like again trying not to let my fear come in. Why does he have to be so protected? I knew the one love in my life was going to be taken from me. Why are you here? But then that's the trauma part of me, right?
Speaker 1:Right being afraid.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, but I just know he's a light being that's going to. I'm going to go sideways real quick on this topic. Go ahead, put your hands and feet in the vehicle at all times, because I'm veering left and right at any given moment.
Speaker 1:Enjoy the rest of your day here on Lauren's podcast. Let's go. What's the difference between ancestors, angels, guides, all that kind of stuff?
Speaker 2:So I call them my spirit tribe. I have a Reiki guide. Spirit guides come and go. They're not related to you. Ancestors are of relation.
Speaker 1:Within your physical lineage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or your, your soul's like lineage.
Speaker 1:Okay, so is there a difference between like ancestors and then also like your soul family? Because, like, do you also think that we have? We come in contact in each life with the same souls sometimes, or no? How do you think that works? I'm we're getting sideways here.
Speaker 2:I know. So this is I. I always truly believe that it's.
Speaker 1:Whatever your interpretation is, I don't want to put in people's heads that you know the absolute because it really isn't like that and that's I feel like how, even like energy, work, energy in general, feeling all that, it's going to be different for everybody too, like the way, because, like me personally, I don't really see things like you're, like I see feelings, mine are more like clear messages, like words, messages like things like that, and I don't. I don't have visions or see light as much and maybe I will in my journey, like as I move forward, but it is different the way things get downloaded, I feel like, for each person yeah, and I think the important message is to uncover all of the worldly expectations, interpretations, projections, to be able to hear yourself again yeah, exactly, I've told people before.
Speaker 2:I'm like everybody has the ability. You have to listen to yourself, but we're so busy and bogged down talking to everybody else to get their projections of an interpretations when we know the answer always yes, yeah, that I think that's the most frustrating part and, like I think some people consider me closed off, but it's because I don't one.
Speaker 2:I don't like to dump things on friends when I'm struggling. That's why I pay professionals and I also don't feel safe doing it, because I don't want their interpretation, I don't want their projection of it. Now, if I am talking to you, it's because I trust you're here with me, not being like girl, what I would do, you know, or start talking bad about somebody I don't know, yeah, but ancestors, to get back to that, I I do feel like, as your spirit, family is like your soul, tribe or however you said it, I know during one meditation in Reiki, like I, I clearly knew what I was seeing was all my ancestors being proud of my journey, but there were so many of them. When I mentioned it to April, I'm like there's no way they could have all been ancestors. She was like, why not?
Speaker 2:So, which again makes me ponder, like man, how many lives have I had? Because I clearly connect to certain like past lives, especially when I'm doing Reiki, and your guides will change. They'll come and go, like I used to have three guides and two ancestors and another person that I knew when they were living an angel, my bear, my spirit animal and my Reiki guide. But now it's changed. When I was telling Jess about this we were laughing because it was like my spirit guides have like exchange for, like this huge spirit guide that now stands on a different side. And then my granny passed last year, which she was love. She was like love on this earth. She was 98. And when she passed is when those ancestors don't come around as much, because my granny is usually the one there. And then, like when I'm doing Reiki on other people, I can sometimes it depends on the person, yeah, Like see what comes through for them, and stuff Like especially I do now that I don't do it professionally.
Speaker 2:I do it mostly on my husband, like once or twice a week, and sometimes I get nothing and he feels nothing, and sometimes he feels everything and it's like holy shit, that was amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I see things that come in and I tell him yeah, like believe it or not, but that's what I saw yeah, exactly, and sometimes it means like nothing, and sometimes it means everything too, like. Sometimes it's like well, that was weird, I don't know what that means. And sometimes it's like oh, that is exactly what that means yeah, think too.
Speaker 2:I want to share that part of it because if people go into this healing journey and they're sensing certain things, seeing certain things smelling, feeling like trust it, Like our guides, our spirit tribe wants to communicate with us so much all the time.
Speaker 2:We just have to open ourselves to see it, and I'm at the part of my journey where I need to feel worthy enough to enjoy it. So what does that look like? It's trusting. That's what what is meant for me is for my journey, and that my feet, where they are in this moment, is where I need to be Instead of Instead of thinking the past is just going to repeat itself in the future. So, therefore, if I'm constantly in that mindset and this is something I've just, this past year, am diving into- yeah, like this is new, this is like yeah, I'm getting excited Because it dawned on me I had a really bad triggering episode.
Speaker 2:I don't want to start crying. I had a really bad triggering episode and um, it happened at like five in the morning and to the point where my son woke up and he had to walk outside. It was still dark out, but it was in that moment that I was like I've got to stop living in this fucking fear, like because I don't.
Speaker 2:Unless I see that action repeating itself right here where my feet are, I can choose joy that's powerful and hard oh, hard, so hard and it's easy to say yeah, but yeah, and I still, and it's like the littlest things, because I'm such, now I know I'm such a feeler. I feel everything and just like my son being sensory processing disorder, no, he's intuitive, that's why he feels everything, but it also is so, very painful. So things that other people don't remember or wouldn't be impacted by I remember to the bone and it hurts. So I'm constantly looking for things that can hurt me, and not only that, like especially having that correlation of love equaling pain. I feel like I deserve it. So I've had to work through all that. So I have to stay right here in this moment, feeling the joy right now, so that those I can start opening my eyes, heart, everything to receiving what the universe wants to give me, because in the past, what would happen?
Speaker 1:Would you dive into the past hurts and stuff and it would control you. Is that how that would feel before I?
Speaker 2:would assume people are out to hurt me. So I was constantly looking for things to be aware of so that it doesn't hurt me, and I was like, wait a minute, I'm hurting me, that's so true, yeah, yes. I am hurting me by living in this prison of what's going to hurt me next. You are hurting you right now. There is no next. There's right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what helps you to not go down that rabbit hole?
Speaker 2:Awareness, or quietness, or trust, or so I'd like to say the belief in that I've done the work and I'm going to keep being put into this loop of lessons until I show that I've done the damn work.
Speaker 1:Isn't it so annoying? How and I don't know if you feel this, but it's like the lesson just repeats, like you just said, over and over again. It it's like we're stuck with these like kind of handful of lessons, or maybe one or two, that it's like, even when you have done the work, it'll come back up and you're like oh yeah, I can get through this, I'm aware of it, I can move through it. But it is kind of annoying how I feel like in this lifetime it's like it'll just be like a handful of the same things over and over again yeah, and I try not to think about that anymore because I don't want the those thoughts to also be projected out into the universe.
Speaker 2:I don't want that to be attracted to me. I want joy, love, happiness, high vibrational friendships to be attracted to me. You know, I and I deserve it, like any other human being, you know. But we we go through these lessons that we're meant to learn from, and when you start seeing yourself in a different light, it's almost like those around you start seeing themselves in a different light and it totally alters the relationship. Like even my daughter made a comment to my husband the other day and was like man, she just doesn't hold grudges anymore, she's not like resentful and like she has fun, she's just happy. I'm like, damn right, yes, it's working. But then also my therapist is like, well, maybe she's just getting to the age where she can see it now. And I'm like, well, that too, let's have both be true.
Speaker 1:Yes, hand in hand yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, but I also I know my son is now a teenager and he's starting to have those like hormonal fluctuations to where that fear is going to be testing me again, and fluctuations to where that fear is going to be testing me again and will I have to relive things that I've had to go through with others, because he is again like pure joy, pure love in my eyes.
Speaker 2:Not that my daughter isn't. It's almost like my daughter was born into this world with this strength. It's almost like in a past life we were sisters oh no, you know what I mean. Like she has a strength within her that I never have to worry about her or the lessons that she's going to go through, whereas lucas, I feel like, is such a light being, he's going to be attracting a lot of darkness because of his light yeah and to be able to my fear of not preparing him enough, because we all go through.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing, and I wanted I want this to be like a thing about parenting. We're going to get it wrong. We're going to get it wrong because our kids have to go through a journey. We each go through journeys that are painful. How we think that we can be a good enough parent to keep our kids from going through a painful journey like that's not realistic. So I just hope that you prepare with enough tools that y'all make it out safely, because it's I can only be the best me that I can be today and however that impacts those around me, that's part of their journey so I want to talk a little bit about the Reiki business.
Speaker 1:so you had the Reiki business and then how did you know, when you were like, because I think a lot of people push through, you know they're like, no, I really want to do this. I think it's my calling and I know that it's like a part of your journey and calling to be able to do that for other people and hold space for other people and use your gifts and stuff. But, like, how did you know? I got to like I got to be done with this, like I got to stop with this business part of it, the business part of what you were doing. Because you had the business. You were trying to be, you know, a little entrepreneur, which is hard and new. That was new for you because you've always had, like, bosses and stuff. So, yeah, what did it look like to be like, eh, this isn't it. I got to you know, lay this down and be okay with it and accept other things in my life.
Speaker 2:So going into it, I told myself I would give myself six months. Because going into it, I was like I don't know if this is the right move, I don't know if this feels right, but the opportunity is being presented to me. So I might as well, just not might as well, but I want to dive into it and see is this it?
Speaker 1:Because how cool would that be if you could make really good money by helping people on their journeys. You know stressful.
Speaker 2:Two types of people. You know there's a bunch of different types of people and I know okay. So the first thing that came to mind when you were asking this question is I feel like there it goes again. Take a drink. I feel like I feel like the? Um, the talents that are within my family are ancestral in a way, and this really dawned on me when my granny passed and we were looking. You know you have to go through their house and their stuff and things are being passed down and seeing all of the talents that she had, that she never turned into a business because she was doing them out of love.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I love that. Yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 2:So when that dawned on me that it's like we can have talents and just like in the past just like in the past when people learn things through handing them down they sat together. Even the stories my grandfather would tell around the table. That's how you learned. Like you're passing these things down in a in a generational way out of love, not like I've been given this talent. I have to make money from it there. I applaud those that can do that, and it like amazes me that people can make businesses out of their talents.
Speaker 1:It's just that does not feel right or align with what is within me which is, I think, huge to own, and I think it is really hard for us as a society in America to really be like you can have talents and loves and you don't have to like make money from them, because I think that, at least in my experience, I think my time should equal money.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you know like I can't just be like living my life not making money, and so I try to do what I am good at and make money, but like to be able to be like no, I can just do it because I love it and I want to share something, and not feel because there's almost for me sometimes like a guilt that comes with it like why would you just be giving this away and using your time when you could be making money that then allows you to x, y and z money, money, money. I mean capitalism, you know, um, but yeah, I think it's really cool to be able to like know that about yourself and to have said like I think that's all really cool it's funny because the word like blossom came to mind when you were speaking just then.
Speaker 2:Because when I did make the decision to not continue the business, which I love, everybody I met and it was so totally cool. I didn't love it immediately in my mind I had a vision of my family in a lotus flower blooming and it was like this beautiful, like purple, pink, white flower just blooming, and in that moment I knew I have everything that I've wanted right here and now's the time to enjoy it. And I was again doing something on Saturdays after working all week that was keeping me away from my family, and it's like we worked effing hard to go through the trenches to get to a point where we are thriving together. So why not enjoy it? And that's when, like doing Reiki on my husband has really blossomed my talents. And for him too, like yesterday I was like you want some Reiki tomorrow. He was like Reiki, I love Reiki and like what man is, like let's go do Reiki.
Speaker 1:But it's made an impact on him too, because he trusts the process and knows kind of where you are too, Like can I kind of understand like how it's helped you?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And in those moments again where I feel triggered, he's at a point now, too, where he wants me to talk to him about it, because he doesn't want me to just shut myself off in a room. Because at that last, that last time I was heavily triggered, I did that go to my room, shut myself in and just seclude myself and then all of a sudden I was like, fuck this, I am not letting this moment steal all the progress that we've had as a family or within myself. So I go downstairs, I like rip the covers off and I go downstairs and I'm like so anyone want to talk about? This? Morning?
Speaker 1:Lucas goes outside again and Taylor just stays in the kitchen, like Chris takes a seat and he's like let's do it and I'm sure maybe even gives him a little bit of trust within himself to know that he can hold space too, for like you and your journey and stuff too right, because there was a time in my life where I had to hold space for what he was going through, yeah, and what Lucas was going through and what you were going through, and what Taylor was going through.
Speaker 2:Taylor was going through everybody, yeah, so he'll say that sometimes he's like you've loved me through my darkest and there was a moment a couple of weeks ago where we were hugging each other and I said I said thank you for loving me until I found a way to love myself and what a gift it is to love yourself and then be able to be at a higher level of capacity to love too.
Speaker 1:You know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, trusting in it instead of seeing fear in it.
Speaker 1:The love equals pain thing too for you, and that being a part of your journey and like learning how to kind of get rid of the two being together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because pain will come again. But why not? Why not experience the joy right now, while there isn't pain, and I'll have different tools when pain comes around?
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause you know, healing and going through all this stuff, you know, and paying someone to help us and getting through and blah blah. I mean the goal is to be able to support ourselves. You know, better long-term too, you know, to have more tools in our toolbox to be able to be like, okay I'm. This is a trigger for me, but I remember I have this tool and I also love myself more now because of how much I've been pouring into myself. So I got this. You know, and sometimes it won't always be like that, we will need some support yeah, because there were.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't see April as much as I used to because I I mean you acquire certain tools to be able to be like. I got this because you have to reframe it. What else else are? What else am I doing on this journey if I'm not learning through the process? Like I can't constantly go to other people and be like, solve this for me, Take these emotions off of me because they're too icky to feel. Instead of, like you know, people will say oh, I got to not think negative. Oh, I shouldn't judge her like that, Like no, you have to digest. Why are you doing those things Like? Why are you having those negative thoughts? Where do those negative thoughts come from? What does it feel like within your body when you feel those negative thoughts? What is it about that person that triggers you into judging them instead of loving them?
Speaker 1:is it about that person that triggers you into judging them instead of loving them? Do you have any practices that you go to when you are trying to figure those things out or feel through those things, like, what does that look like for you when you're like, oh, this is coming up. I don't want to just push it away, because I'm sure that to you, we don't you know, we don't always have time, we think we don't always have time to sort of sit in our emotions and dive into them and figure out. So has there been anything that you feel like has helped you to sort of navigate that, or really just I mean just in that moment when I'm feeling that emotion like why is this coming up for me?
Speaker 2:What is this triggering within me that I need to work on? Because, again, we can't change other people, and with our kids too, like they're on their own journey, and I think I said this in the last podcast too that it's like the more we interfere with other people's journey is just the longer you keep yourself from traveling your own and them from experiencing what they're meant to experience.
Speaker 1:Sigh, Gosh, it's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if we're constantly, like when I was in that constant fight or flight Trying to solve other people's issues, so it wouldn't cause me pain, I'm keeping them from learning.
Speaker 1:Along their journey, and yourself, you're keeping yourself from your own journey too, because you're focused on everybody else externally.
Speaker 2:hello hamster wheel, yeah, right, yeah let's just keep solving other people's problems yeah depleting ourselves and ignoring what we're supposed to be experiencing feeling growing through.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like you got off that hamster wheel? When do you feel like you like you got off that hamster wheel? When do you feel like you started to get off that hamster wheel and realizing it? Is it through like reiki?
Speaker 2:that, oh yeah 100 reiki, but also, um, you have to be willing to stop, you have to want that, like a lot of times I see feel things that other people do not. So that kind of put me in a perpetual searching for problems to solve situation. So I was even when there wasn't a problem, I would look for one to solve it.
Speaker 1:Was that? Was that also avoidance of your own? Yeah, To solve it Was that also avoidance of your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, in turn, I'm creating issues, just like going out, hiking back in the day was to avoid being at home. That made me feel very uncomfortable, not because of the people in it, but it was just. It invoked fight or flight Because I was constantly having to help and do for others.
Speaker 1:So if you get out of it, then you're like sweet, it doesn't exist.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm doing this healthy thing called hiking yeah.
Speaker 2:But, I think the allure of feeling my whole self after that first Reiki appointment was it for me. That was the moment of, and it can be different for everybody. I'm not saying like I think that was hard for me too in my Reiki practice, like I would do Reiki with somebody I'm like wasn't that pivotal but that's not their journey, like apparently this was my journey to. Again like I feel like that passing down that ancestral ability to show others that I love this amazing talent, talent that sounds weird.
Speaker 1:But I mean kind of a gift tool, gift, yeah, yes. Yes, yeah, to share your gifts without having them be for money.
Speaker 2:And Taylor is much the same way. I think it demeans her love for her creativity to do it for money, like she truly wants to do it for love.
Speaker 2:New baby, I'm making you a blanket Christmas gift, like that blanket she made me for this past Christmas, like that's when it dawned on me, like the love that you can pass down yeah, with the talents that you've been given, it's huge and I think I think that means more to her than going from craft fair to this to putting your stuff in stores and the stress of that like her and I aren't wired to do that it brings as much anxiety, resentment, right you know which is hard when we're living in a very capitalistic society. Right, yeah. But if a friend or loved one asks like Do you have time for a Reiki session?
Speaker 1:Yeah, when are you?
Speaker 2:going to do it.
Speaker 1:Because it is your gift.
Speaker 2:Mm, hmm, there are again. There are people that I love, that I would love to do Reiki on them, but their journey is their journey.
Speaker 1:And you can't push that on to other people. Yeah, what do you think the biggest difference is I mean, it's kind of what we've already talked about between like being and doing.
Speaker 2:I think it's difficult for people to understand the concept of being if they haven't found their authentic self. And that's the same thing that was again, that was the doing back in the day I would be doing to avoid that unsafety, that unsafe feeling. I felt to be alone, because I didn't feel prepared to handle the journey. My soul was meant to go on at that time.
Speaker 1:Because would you say a lot of people? I would say a lot of people, and even myself, I get stuck on a loop of doing, on a loop of like, oh, I want to do more, oh, I want to plan for this, oh, I want to. You know, I feel like it is really hard to get off the loop of doing.
Speaker 2:But do you feel like you're? You're doing that, like you eventually hit a point of being in the result of your doing.
Speaker 1:I think I do. Yeah, yeah, I think I do. I think I've learned to do it. I don't think you're doing.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't assume that you're doing for the sake of escapism.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, the difference between doing for good versus doing for escapism, too, that's it right, that's a point like you're doing is because those are the things that you're passionate about yeah, that's true, as opposed to doing just to fill space and time yes, like I have to take my kids to this soccer game and gotta do the groceries and gotta do this and this and this and this and this and this and this. Yeah, when you stop and think about even running late in the morning with Lucas to school, I no longer get angry. It used to be like I've been getting in the car, we're going to be late and it's a stressful like and I'm throwing them into school in a stressful state and I'm going into work in a stressful state when it really it's like cares yeah, truly, when you break it all down in the scheme of your lifespan?
Speaker 1:yeah, but if you keep making it, you know every day you're in that sort of like mindset that becomes your life and then your child becomes that way right can't be late.
Speaker 2:Why can't we be late, right that's so true are we gonna? Are we going to be swallowed whole by the planet?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Like it's fine, yeah.
Speaker 2:Who cares if my son gets an F in English? Again we'll veer Like hold on. I mean I care, but I'd much rather him have those social, emotional connections, those healthy boundaries, communication, you know. And especially when you put any of us, not just children, you put us in an environment where we thrive and it can be the same type of work in another environment and we can completely wither, because it depends on who we have around us. So can my son in one year in the same class, go from an F to an A because of two different teachers? You tell me, is it him or is it the environment? And I say environment I don't like we can't change other people to make ourselves a certain way. But we can respond to an environment that feels unsafe. Or we feel unheard and there's no healthy boundaries and I'm communicating and nobody's listening. That feels unsafe.
Speaker 1:But do you think it's hard for people to? I guess yeah. So let's go back to what you said about the authentic self. Like people that aren't, you know, it's hard to be if you're, because is that what you said? It's hard to be if you're not your authentic self. So what stops us from being our authentic self?
Speaker 2:I don't want to sound like a professional. Well, for me, from your perspective and your experience, it is not digging through the layers that we've put upon ourselves or that have been placed upon us, that we've been too fearful or neglectful to address, and it might not be the time to address them yet. I fully, fully, fully understand that there are times in our lives that are way more chaotic than others. Would I have been able to take this journey in the middle of Lucas's height of issues? Probably not.
Speaker 1:Because there was no space.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, at that time I was having to devote all of my time to him, but once I came into myself, he was able to come into his self. You have to at least allow yourself the space to discern that, like. If you're already questioning, is it time?
Speaker 1:for me to grow. Am I sick of these patterns? Do I want to get off this hamster wheel? Is the same problem coming up over and over and over again? Right Until I deal with it yeah, and really deal with it and like it doesn't feel. Healing also, too, is not always fun services. It's not always like this cute you go to Reiki and you have a breakthrough, right?
Speaker 2:Actually it's mostly, not that A hundred percent, especially if you do things like manifestation cards. Those things are not happy. Okay, yeah, it's like oh, you want to learn this. Okay, here are all of the things thrown at you to be able to learn this doesn't feel great, sometimes it's lonely, sometimes it's uncomfortable, sometimes it's.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's kind of like the season of winter, like everybody hates winter and wants summer all the time, which a lot of yeah, because you're okay with space and being.
Speaker 1:That's why, but yeah like everybody, you know a lot of people hate it, they want to move past it and, like sometimes, winter feels gross, it feels uncomfortable, it feels sticky, it feels like ugh, but why? Because we have to deal with low level vibration and low frequencies that are within us and that we have to deal with our shit and make new choices and make new habits and change because you're like I want to. Let me see it all. Let me dig through it, I hit bottom.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna try and keep digging yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:But see, yeah. And then this goes all the way back to now you're on the other side, where it's like honey, you did, you dug, yes, you saw it.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's go live your life, yeah, happy and that's where I'm at now, to where I don't want to repeat patterns. We were talking about this letting people of my past back in, um if it doesn't feel right, because it's just it's's not going to feel right anymore. Yes, yes yes, yes, it's like ugh and I need to know that the not feel right is okay. Not for the sake of validation, like this. Feels uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Let me hunt down that person and have them make me Try to negotiate with them.
Speaker 2:Yes, To make it feel better. Yes, I'm sorry, I had a boundary. I'm sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable. Like I'm sorry, I had a boundary. I'm sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Like I don't need to do that I know, because it feels mean.
Speaker 2:It does feel mean and I know I would feel hurt if the same thing happened, but I also feel like I'm at a place where it's like if that friendship was meant to be, then it would be yes, yes, yes, yeah, it would feel like we could talk it through and move forward, like, but if it felt very much like.
Speaker 1:you know, this is making me frustrated or mad, or I don't want to be a part of this no-transcript. I have a friend, um, and we were talking about this and she said that April told her cause. Again, we're all just April lights over here, um, but the April told her that if you can't stand by somebody in their journey this is a little bit different but if you can't stand by somebody in their journey and be like in peace, like have peace about what they're doing, then like you need to not be a part of their journey, which is so true, but hard yes, yes, and I think I've.
Speaker 2:Um, there's been a pattern in my life you've brought up the pattern to me before like you feel like people come into my life and they get what they need from me and then they move on, because that's your gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they take your gift yes, so I'm at that state of like, am I being pushed in a different yes, frequency, like Almost, like I'm going to be surrounded by, like peers now they don't need your gifts, that don't need my gifts, and in that action makes it flourish on a grander scale. And that action makes it flourish on a grander scale.
Speaker 1:That is the goal, and it does feel different when you're around people that aren't taking from you but contributing or equal to or just different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's weird too because, again you, I just have a personality type that goes with the flow of personalities around me, so I'm really trying to again stay in my authentic self and not feel like I have to be a certain way for other people to love me, and that's hard because you are very unique.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thank you.
Speaker 2:I'm like uh-huh, I know, I don't know it's so and again, like at work, when I decided to leave my Reiki business and this opportunity at work came out of nowhere and I was promoted into a position that was created for me and, like, I kind of flourished in that, because I can flourish with my abilities where I'm at and make an impact on those around me.
Speaker 2:Just like those little heart keychains that I was talking about, I used to have that heart hanging on my Reiki door and now, instead of it just hanging on my Reiki door, there's a building of people that bought those little keychains and now they carry a little heart around with them. But for somebody to come to me and say the difference you're making in this building is everything. Like you bring such joy, and for that person to do that in front of nobody other than just me they're not doing it for show. They're not doing it because they want to be my best friend. They're doing it because they genuinely feel the love that I put into the joy I was trying to spread, for nothing other than I felt moved to do it yeah, exactly, and then actually did it yeah so, but still I'm getting used to that, like people coming to me and being like you were making such a difference, like shout out to rochelle.
Speaker 2:Like rochelle, the rock star, like what do you like?
Speaker 1:like being? In your power and like it being what it is you know the shit that I've been through?
Speaker 2:do you know the shit I did in the past? Oh wait, all a journey to get here. So I never want to come off or be seen as better than, or untouchable or hot on a pedestal, Because I have the trials of trials, you know and everybody does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and any like you know healer or person that is really like doing the work you know out of a good intention is going to tell you dude, I'm not perfect, I don't have this together, I actually don't know shit, but this is what has worked for me. This has been my journey. You know, like if you're going to any type of healer or talking to anybody and they're saying I know it all and I've beat it all like it's baloney, but it's cool that you were able to do all that through a somewhat mundane type of like job, you know, like it's not like you're, I don't even know, I can't even come up with like a thing, but you're working at Frederick County Public Schools but we need that and that you know well, and seven years ago, when I started working there, I was like I don't know what's gonna happen.
Speaker 2:I just know something amazing's gonna happen. And then it took seven years and a healing, like a healing journey to begin for these things to start coming into my life.
Speaker 1:Yes, because time, like, isn't linear in our brains. We think it has to be blah, blah, blah, but it had already happened really.
Speaker 2:Right, and if we're thinking I'm doing this work so that good things can happen to me, it's get back in touch with the reason why you're taking the journey. I never want to take a step in my journey for the sake of receiving.
Speaker 1:That's good. So what does it mean to be led by love?
Speaker 2:So this is funny. Back in my churchy days I started doing a uh church group, because you know that's what you're supposed to do. Exactly right, that whole doing thing yes, that's what you're supposed to do and the fear of if I'm not doing, then something bad's gonna happen to me right, right to ingrain that, yes, right, instead of just being, that's a big one too, that comes into play the religion part of the doing and being more Nate.
Speaker 1:I can delete some stuff on there.
Speaker 2:I don't know, it just came to me back then and starting an Instagram site to be able to put those positive sayings out there, to be able to put those positive sayings out there. It's almost like the cart was given to me before I realized what I was going to be getting into. And then, when I stopped doing that because it didn't feel in alignment, and then when I decided to do Reiki, I'm like how perfect is led by love, because that's truly. You know, what I'm led by is love, not for anything else. I don't want anything in return, and I think that was weird for me to accept money because I don't want anything in return. I want to show you my love.
Speaker 2:I want to show your love to you. I want you to love you. I'm led by it. And the funny thing, too is Lucas's initials are LBL, whoa, and I would have never started this journey without having him as a child wow.
Speaker 1:So how do you live life? Like leading by love? Is it a way of being? Is it a thing to remember? Like to do everything out of love? Is it a state?
Speaker 2:I don't want to look at others and, if I'm not feeling love, be like, oh, I have to love them because that's what I'm meant to do. No, I want to ask myself what is it about them that is making me not love them? What is it within myself that is keeping me from loving this individual within myself that is keeping me from loving this individual? And I think I'm getting to a point where I can see them as they're just a soul living this human journey. So, of course, there's going to be times along their path that are going to be unsavory, messy, yeah, and it's okay to let them live that journey. I don't want to force myself to be like, oh, I have to love them because that's what I'm supposed to do. I can love them, but I also don't. I can have boundaries but also digest within myself. What is it about their behavior that makes me feel that way? And sometimes it's just a person feels unsafe, yeah, and that can just be it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, like it doesn't need to be.
Speaker 2:But that I'm still dealing with people that feel unsafe Because of the. The feeling that it invokes in me very much gives me the please don't get near me. So how do I?
Speaker 1:Navigate that. Cause you can't always just be like nope, nope. So how do I navigate that Cause? You can't always just be like nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 2:Especially if you see the person every day. Yeah, it's like yeah, and I know, yeah, yeah, it's. It's hard to discern that.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:It really is, and maybe you come back to that person later in life. You don't know, yeah. But, it's a journey and this part of the journey maybe you're not supposed to be on with them. It's true.
Speaker 1:And then, like all of your actions, that you're doing, what you're doing, leading like letting love lead the way in that right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if they haven't found the journey on their own, you telling them something isn't going to put them on their journey. It's just going to make them defensive, hate you more, make it more awkward, and you're all stuck in this awkward like sorry, I laid a trap on you when you weren't ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and that's not loving.
Speaker 2:Right, because whose truth is it? It's my truth through my eyes, exactly that you didn't ask for Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love it. Well, you have so much wisdom to share. I could have you on every six months and see where the hell you've been, what's been going on, you know? Yeah, we could talk for hours probably.
Speaker 2:Yeah, things just come when they're meant to. It's crazy, though. It is crazy, like, how quickly things happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how? If you allow things to move through? Because I used to always be like, how do people let go? I think I had a hard time letting go of things like actually alchemizing it to be something else, like you know, letting something go and moving into another thing. But I think if you move through, like the cycles of yourself and the cycles of the moon and the cycles of your life, like you really can move through some hard stuff if you allow it to move through, you know.
Speaker 2:And don't look at other people's journey and go. I have to do that because that worked for them. Like, truly, whatever you feel within yourself, listen to it For you. Like, listen to you, it's in there. Everybody has the ability.
Speaker 1:Totally, you just have to make it a habit to make the space to come back to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and be confident in it Like no. This is what I'm feeling right now.
Speaker 1:Don't gaslight yourself into being like you know no, I don't think that is actually what it is or like you know. Thanks for coming on, sharing your wisdom, sharing your gifts, sharing your love, sharing your journey. Thank you for going on your journey so that others can, you know, feel confident and going through their own journey.
Speaker 2:I love it, I love it, I love it. I love when people come into my life and I'm like I can make you, not make you, but I want you to know that you are not alone, because love.
Speaker 1:There's the quote, all right, thanks, rochelle. Thank you.